Connor (Biography of a Lonely Conservationist)

Written by Connor W

I’m not sure if there is any one particular moment that ignited my passion for conservation. Growing up I loved science so much. Science class was my favorite in school. I idolized fictional scientists like Bruce Banner and Peter Parker. If the incredible Hulk and Spider-Man were scientists, then there was definitely something to science. Whenever there was anything to be learned about the way the universe worked, I wanted to know it. I was enthralled by watching the Crocodile Hunter and Zoboomafoo on TV. 

A visit to EPCOT when I was 10 would change everything for me. That theme park at that particular time in my life really resonated for me. The place had a tangible quality of optimism to it. EPCOT represented a future in which science and technology improved the lives of all humans and mended our relationship with nature and each other. A future where everyone had enough food thanks to innovative agriculture techniques. A future where the seas were vibrant and full of life that was protected from human encroachment. A future where mankind could make it Mars. A future where we put aside our prejudices and flags and were simply all passengers aboard our one and only Spaceship Earth. I would describe the EPCOT of that time as part solar punk, part retrofuturism and all sustainable. I genuinely thought in my 10-year-old heart “Yes, this is exactly what the future is going to be like and not only am I going to live in it but I will be a part of making it”. I so dearly loved the land pavilion with its showcase of living laboratories and greenhouses. And of course, the seas aquarium was my first time seeing so many sea animals like great hammerhead sharks and black blotched stingrays. I knew I loved science and this whole biology thing, the study of life, that was now my favorite kind of science.

In high school, I took AP Biology, AP Chemistry, AP Physics, AP Computer Science, and perhaps most importantly to my personal development AP Environmental Science. My APES teacher was probably one of the most charismatic people I have ever met. He made every lesson incredibly engaging and entertaining as he would dance about the classroom mimicking the mating displays of a blue-footed booby. We had so many live animals in the classroom, fish, a snake, a rabbit, a tarantula. In high school I was kind of undecided whether I wanted to keep pursuing science or my other love of my young life: movie making. However, it was my APES teacher who further convinced me that I should care about this planet I live on, so I decided to go into studying science in college. I figured, hey, I could maybe even one day combine my two interests and make nature documentaries.

Undergrad in biology was so much fun, probably some of the best times of my life. Very stressful at times I will admit I lost a lot of sleep studying for organic chemistry exams. But man- getting to take higher-level biology classes and do labs was so much fun and so rewarding to me. I loved getting to do chemistry experiments, dissecting animals, going out in the field for arthropod collections, and raising brine shrimp in the lab. I was lucky enough to be a technician at my school’s arboretum. But then in 2020, the COVID-19 pandemic hit and my junior year of college was cut short as classes moved online. Then a couple of more online classes and an internship at the Florida Audubon Society later and I graduated. I got cheated out of so many potentially cool classes and internships because of the pandemic. I never got to do a semester of undergraduate research because of the pandemic. I know it’s selfish to be upset about lost academic and career opportunities when people lost loved ones to this pandemic, but it angered me to no end. I had been planning on starting my master’s right after graduating but the uncertainty of the pandemic put a pause on those plans.

I had to get a job beyond substitute teaching that had been doing on the side in college. I leveraged my teaching experience with kids and got a camp counsellor job at Sea World Orlando. It was at this job I would meet my partner. She is every bit as passionate about conversation as I am but just as unfortunately afflicted with having to deal with the realities of life in the United States under capitalism where even trying to do the right thing is commodified. I was able to stay on as an in-park animal educator after the summer was over. I kept telling myself this was just a holdover to get some money and work experience until a real conservation job came along and I could get back to school to get my masters. I kept applying to jobs and sitting in on self-guided virtual interviews and a few phone interviews. I went and got scuba-certified to be able to apply to certain animal care jobs. I got called back for a few brutal swim tests/interviews. I simply was not properly conditioned to swim to ludicrously far distances in cold salt water in one breath that they wanted from me. After about eight months I got promoted to a husbandry assistant. I kept applying and failing swim tests or not getting called back in the first place. This is where I began to become angry. Wait a second. I’m physically hurting my body trying to get part-time jobs that pay the same as the Wendy’s across the street and require a bachelor’s degree and scuba certification. Clearly this company was not for me.

This whole time I had been told growing up “Just go to college and when you have a degree you’ll be able to get the job you want.” Well, here I was a year out of college and still not doing what I wanted. I appreciated the opportunity to sell fish to kids who wanted to feed stingrays and the one day a week MAYBE that I actually got to do real husbandry work with the park’s aquarium staff. But I realized I didn’t study my butt off for four years in college for this. And so begins a saga of my life that I am unfortunately still living through almost two years later.

I apply to jobs like there is no tomorrow. I keep tailoring my resume to have the right buzzwords. I want desperately to work in animal care or conservation at Disney. I submitted an application to the pest control department at Disney just hoping that being an employee will make for enough of a foot in the door to land a conservation gig. I’m still working pest control at Disney to this day. It pays me more than any other job I’ve ever worked and I’m thankful for that. It was literally almost a 1.75 times increased wage from my previous job.

I may be working full time now but that didn’t stop me from going back to school to begin my masters in ecology and conservation. So now here I am working and going to school full time, trying to juggle family and friends and my relationship with my partner. I’m beginning to feel a little burned out. I’m way too over-educated for the job that I’m working. I keep applying to jobs I want, I’ve submitted over 75 internal applications in the past year and a half and only received two phone interviews that went nowhere. My imposter syndrome is real. Whenever I’m doing schoolwork I find myself questioning if I’m really the smart scientist I think I am. After all wouldn’t a smart scientist be working his dream science job and not as a pest control guy at a hotel?

I graduate with my masters in December and I’m at a loss for what to do. I doubt I could find a job I’m qualified for that pays more than the one I have. And even though I’m willing to take a pay cut to take a conservation job I can’t even get more than an automated email telling me the hiring team has “chosen a candidate whose background more closely aligns with the role’s requirements” All I wanted was to make a difference in the world. Bring that EPCOT future into being. instead, I feel like I’ve been spit up and chewed out. My partner and I want to start a life together and have our own family. But living is so expensive and work is so hard to find we can’t even afford our own place to live let alone have children.

I guess what I’m trying to say with all this is -to my fellow conservationists, you are not alone. Breaking into this industry can feel like trying to make it into Hollywood. I’m literally tearing up as I type this because I cannot believe that so many good people are struggling to afford to live while the rich continue to get rich off of destroying our natural world. And that even if we want to do something about it the system is designed in such a way that it is near impossible to do so and still have a living for yourself and your family. I’m going to keep on trying to make it. I want to be able to say I did all I could to work for the plants and animals of this beautiful planet we have the privilege of calling our home.