Chaithra (With a Little Help: Walking Together and Turning Dreams into Reality)

Written by Chaithra Bhagavathi Parambu

“Life is never meant to be lived in isolation. Hold on to hope, you have come this far and the best chapters of your story are yet to be written”  

Hey Conservationists! Chaithra here, this is my second story for LC blog. Well, I want to tell you about my story of securing a PhD position in Conservation Science and Sustainability Studies. Now, when I look back and I think about my journey to the field of academia and conservation its not my achievement nor grades that comes to my mind, it’s the people. People who were there with me during my worst times, who encouraged me when I wanted to quit, and who believed in me when I could not believe in myself.

As I sit writing this, having gained a PhD with a scholarship, I must say this, ‘it has not been easy’. I still remember the day when I started my Master’s degree and met my first mentor, Subhash Sir, who guided me and help me find a calling in human- wildlife conflict  (now my PhD research topic). But still, the pressures of academic work weighed most upon me.  Once I had submitted my MS thesis, I became terribly sick, years of irregular eating, sleepless nights, and an irrepressible desire to push myself led me to a severe underweight, perilously low BMI. Trying to take back control, I attempted various unscientific ways to gain health, but they all failed.  

It was then that I decided to do it differently and opted for personal training. It was a turning point, both in terms of my health and perspective on life. It was during one such training session at the gym when I was checking my phone that I saw an email that shook me to the core. I had been offered a conditional PhD position at one of the top universities in Australia, but I was unable to secure the scholarship. I was just blown away and I stood there motionless, paralysed by the heaviness of yet another closed door. My personal trainer, Abba noticed the change in me right away. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly, and when I informed him that I’d lost the scholarship, I had anticipated sympathy or commiseration. Abba did smile and replied, “You were so close to receiving a PhD, that is, you are meant to receive one, all you have to do is to keep trying there is always a chance if  you don’t give up”. 

And then there was a friend named Anandu, whom I have never met in person, but he has really helped in navigating the journey to finding a PhD position, whether it was drafting emails, correcting research proposals or preparing for a PhD interview, he was there. Since he is pursuing his own PhD in wildfire, he could recognise my plight in a way few others could. When he rang me up after knowing that I’d lost the scholarship, what he said was direct and insightful: “Every rejection is just a detour, what makes you you isn’t the lack of failure, it’s your perseverance in the face of it“.  

Pinky, my sister, is my compass and cheerleader when I feel lost. She had her own way in scholarly pursuits, weathering storms I could hardly imagine. On those days when I was swamped with self-doubt, she would remind me of the flame that had carried me this far. “You’ve struggled so hard for this,” she would say to me, “don’t let a bad moment take your dream“. But above all, my motivation has come from my parents. Every restless night, every worry they’d done for me, and every second they’d made me believe that I am worth it has been nothing less than incredible.  They have shown me what unconditional love is all about, love that encourages you to be your best, even when you have no clue that you can.

But despite all, the most difficult fight I ever fought was the one that I fought against myself. Moving further was so hard, it felt like walking through quicksand. But somewhere, amidst all that despair, I caught a spark of determination. It was not forceful or aggressive; it was fragile and quiet,  but it sustained me. And then one day, there was the email that I opened with trembling hands,  half anticipating a disappointment. But it was an acceptance with a scholarship instead.

For a moment, I just looked, not comprehending that it actually occurred. And then suddenly it struck me:  the happiness, the relief, the validation. That email was not an accident nor luck. It was the result of the amount of hard work and perseverance that I had put in to achieve my dream!  

My dear readers, you are not lonely. I’m not a good motivator, I’m just being candid here. There will be situations where you will feel like giving up, feel like ‘oh none of my efforts are giving me results’, but trust me, there is progress every day. The only thing you have to do is to keep doing and never bother about your haters, be surrounded by people who genuinely care for you and who will applaud your achievements.

Keep trying! Like my coach said, ‘there is always a chance if you keep trying’. So hold on to hope, lean into the light of your people. You are never alone and you have made it this far. Look behind and believe that the best chapters of your story are yet to be written. You have got this! You always have.

For more of Chaithra, check out their X @ChaithraGirish5 or Linkedin profile.