HIMA (The Weight of a Wrapper: When Personal Responsibility Feels Like a Lonely Burden)

Written by HIMA PS

Hello conservationists! My name is HIMA, from Kerala, India. I’m currently doing my masters degree in Botany/Plant Science and have a passion for writing, amongst other things like music, art, learning new languages, enjoying poetry, stargazing and much more. It’s been exactly 5 years since I entered the desert of my life, which is the writer’s block. I also have an artist’s block, which isn’t that severe, I have been drawing plants since the beginning of my Bachelor’s And Master’s journey, so at times I get this chance to sharpen my skills…or whatever’s left of it. This is one of my first heart-to-heart write ups which I would like to share with you, whoever deems interested in the words of a 22 year old girl with a mind full of unspoken worries.

So, let’s begin with my upbringing. I was raised by strict parents who value discipline and moral codes very seriously. This drive for order is why I am who I am. I’m also an INTJ (if you know you know, if you don’t then I suggest you to google it) and I see myself as a well disciplined, organized person who values punctuality, effort, and admires people who do the same. For me, they are individuals who sacrificed their free will to become an example to the next generation.

But at times, this discipline becomes a burden…. it has been to me on multiple occasions. Yet, it continues to shape the way I view the world. I once wished that if the world was just as it is in the Divergent (a book by Veronica Roth), the human population could be used as a great resource because we are capable of rebuilding our planet to a much better place if we just will for it. So, when I look at the environmental chaos around me, I see a massive, frustrating failure of basic logic.

Let me share an experience of mine.

This wrapper thing, it’s been with me since I was a child. In my family, we follow this rule: wherever we go out and eat, the wrapper, the juice bottle, or the Lays packet, we take it all home. We collect it, and then we give it to the municipality cleaners for processing or dumping. All the members of our family do this without any excuses and thus It just became an atomic habit for me, something I do without thinking. But when I see other people who just throw the wrapper out onto the street, it makes me wonder how much a small habit can actually become the first impression of those people. When I see people like this, my mind immediately categorizes them to be the ones who just don’t bother their social manners.

Sometimes when I’m with my friends and they throw their wraps and I tell them not to do that. When I do so, they just stare at me like I’m some weirdo. Dustbins are not always available, so they just throw it, and I end up keeping their trash in my pocket. That’s when the loneliness starts, you’re the only one doing the right thing, and you look crazy for it. So, for the very first time, I decided: why should I be the only one to do this? This action of mine definitely cannot make a big difference, like, how huge is the earth? And with that simple thought, I threw a lays packet, the ones we were eating from. Rather than feeling nothing about it, I think every cell in my body just knew that what I just did was something that I was not supposed to do. So I picked it up right away, carried it until I reached the bus station and put it in a dustbin. I always think that if people could just cultivate this small habit, this atomic habit, the world would be a much better place. 

On YouTube we see places like Japan, the UK, and Switzerland and they are so much cleaner. But where I live, Kerala, it’s called ‘God’s Own Country.’ And yet, it is littered with garbage. Sometimes you can see heaps of trash piled up right under the “Don’t Litter Here” sign board. How ironic is that?
It’s like some stupid people are rebelling against nature itself. I sometimes feel ashamed when tourists and foreign people visit our place. The smell of sewage and the garbage everywhere, it’s not neat and clean. It would be if we decided to change, but we don’t. It feels like hard work, and our people are lazy. Science and technology has come this far..but not proper disposal of garbage, which meets criteria such as not being harmful to the environment AND accessible to both developed and developing countries. Because the possibility of this happening is distant, unlikely, and not expected within the coming decade.

I know I can’t stop carrying that wrapper in my pocket. That small act of refusal to litter is my activism. It’s my way of fighting the chaos. But sometimes, carrying the trash feels easier than carrying the constant weight of caring when nobody else seems to. To individuals like me out there, don’t worry, you are not alone. Someday society will change as will the mindset of people, but I hope WE don’t change. we must stay true to ourselves and continue this act of love towards the environment.